


so i can adore you

by myloveiamthespeedofsound



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Valentine's Day, but mostly just fluff, with a smidge of angst because that's how I roll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-18 10:47:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13680144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myloveiamthespeedofsound/pseuds/myloveiamthespeedofsound
Summary: Slowly Ignis sinks into his seat and with hesitant fingers picks up the envelope. There was a flash of paranoia, a moment when he was sure it was a joke. But his name was printed on the envelope in crisp writing and Ignis carefully broke the seal of the flap. Inside was a plain card, not overly romantic but rather a generic Happy Valentine's Day above a cartoon cupid. Inside, in the same crisp writing as the envelope was a small message.Ignis,Hoping this brightens your day a little.Happy Valentine's Day.





	so i can adore you

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the FFXValentine's Exchange!

 

  
The first time it happens Ignis is thirteen years old. Still stuck in classes three times a week with people who are supposed to be his peers but that he feels absolutely no comradery with. Peers who, even if they were there for the same reason as Ignis - an education that would work around  the pressures already put on their young lives simply by the families or duties they had happened to be born into - still felt miles away from the young Adviser.

It was a notion that had never been quite so clear as it had been the year before when even this small group of teens and pre-teens had still fallen into the tradition of handing out frivolous little Valentine's Day cards and treats. Of course, Ignis had received no such cards or treats. Not that he had expected different.  
  
So it was a shock when the next year as he approaches his usual seat in the classroom and notices the envelope perched on top a bar of chocolate. Tenebrean. The kind his family back home had quite often sent over the years, the kind that required a trip to a speciality store in Insomnia and not picked up at just any old market.

Slowly Ignis sinks into his seat and with hesitant fingers picks up the envelope. There was a flash of paranoia, a moment when he was sure it was a joke. But his name was printed on the envelope in crisp writing and Ignis carefully broke the seal of the flap. Inside was a plain card, not overly romantic but rather a generic _Happy Valentine's Day_ above a cartoon cupid. Inside, in the same crisp writing as the envelope was a small message.  
  
_Ignis,_  
_Hoping this brightens your day a little._ __  
_Happy Valentine's Day._  
  
Ignis can't help the dart of his eyes around the room to see if there was anyone looking at him, but the rest of the group was more than preoccupied among themselves, chattering and exchanging gifts. He looks back to the card and carefully places it back into the envelope, takes a moment to lift the bar of chocolate to his nose and inhale the rich aroma. Ignis carefully tucks both items into his bag and pulls out his books in preparation for his lesson, a soft smile on his face as he does so - completely unaware of a pair of amber eyes from the back of the room that watch the display with a soft smile of his own.  
  
Ignis is fourteen. He no longer attends classes with the other students, instead a private tutor is at his disposal as his duties do not permit him enough time to attend. He is more than okay with that. He much prefers the hands on learning attending Council Meetings on Noctis' behalf gives. He doesn't even miss the interaction with the other students as he barely had any to begin with. He struck up a friendship with Gladiolus - tentative at best and born more out of being who they were to Noctis instead of who they were to each other, but Ignis figures this is enough. All he needed. After all his duty to the Crown was far more important than his social standing.  
  
The package arrives just after lunch, to the office all his own he had been given in the Citadel. He's not expecting anyone so the soft rap of knuckles on the door is a bit of a surprise. It takes him a moment to shuffle his papers to the side and rise, and when he answers there is no on there. But the box on the ground catches his eye and he reaches to pick it up. He carries the box to his desk and only there does he slide a finger along the edges to break the tape's seal. He lifts the lid and inside, laid in tissue paper, is a leather bound notebook. A pack of the pens he uses - black ink, slender barrel and a fine ballpoint - sitting on top. There's a card nestled into the tissue and Ignis picks it up.

_Ignis,_

_Roses are red, violets are blue_ __  
_I just want you to know I think the world of you_  
_Yes, this poem is lame, but it will have to do._

_Happy Valentine's Day._ __  
__  
Ignis can't help the small laugh at the self proclaimed lame poem. He thinks for a moment that perhaps it must have been Noctis, but then Noctis had earlier handed him without much preamble a box of chocolates with "the good ones" missing that morning. Not to mention Noctis' penmanship was atrocious to the point of near illegibility and a far cry from the clean lettering here and the year before.  
  
Ignis reads the card once more and then moves to his bookshelf. There is an ornate box on third shelf and he lifts the lid, places the card on top of the one from the year before.  
  
Fifteen comes with a limited hardback edition of one of his favourite books.  
  
_Ignis,_  
_I've always loved this one, I hope you do too._  
_Happy Valentine's Day_.

Sixteen comes with a sense of cautious excitement as the days towards Valentine's Day come closer and closer. Three years was, after all, a basis for tradition at this point. Even if he hadn't the first clue who his mystery gift giver was. Ignis had never given much thought to the whole romance thing that some of his peers seem all but obsessed with. He had no desire, or time, for such matters. But still, the prospect of this - a mysterious person who has struck up a mission to brighten this one day for him - it's something Ignis _likes_ .  
  
That year it was a slim envelope, taped to his office door as he came in in the morning. Inside a gift certificate to the cafe near the Citadel that he's been frequenting quite often.

_Ignis,_ __  
_You work too hard, have a break on me._  
_Happy Valentine's Day_  
  
Seventeen is a record.  
  
_Ignis,_ __  
_I honestly have no idea if you have ever heard this band before, but I listen to them quite often and think of how you might like it. I hope you do._ __  
_Happy Valentine's Day_ __  
__  
The band is a mix of classical instruments and heavy drums and guitars with haunting slower breakdowns between the more driving moments. In all sense it shouldn't _work_ , but it _does_ and Ignis finds himself enthralled by the music. He listens to it on a loop non stop for months.  
  
Eighteen is a bottle of scotch. Ignis has barely reached legal drinking age but he quickly realizes he likes scotch. Or at least good scotch as a drink provided several months later in a bar some of the Glaives drag him to proves to be quite a different thing indeed.

_Ignis,_ __  
_Happy first legal Valentine's Day. Don't drink it all in one go._  
  
Nineteen is another slim envelope taped to his door. Two tickets to a special concert of the band whose record had been his gift two years prior. Their last show. It had been sold out almost the moment it had been announced and Ignis was still bitter he hadn't managed to get tickets.  
  
_Ignis,_ _  
_ _I bought these thinking that maybe this year would be the year I'd have the guts to give you your present in person._

_There's a lot of things I wish I had the guts to do in person._

_Tell you how amazing I think you are for starters._

_Happy Valentine's Day_  
  
The sentiment in the note is new. Colours the years that came before and despite himself, Ignis finds himself giving into the silly and romantic notion of it. A secret admirer. Even if, gods knows, he hasn't the first clue as to who it might even be. More than that though, he hasn't the first clue what he would even _do_ if he knew.    
  
He realizes though as he approaches Gladio, holding onto the tickets with intent to ask him to come with him to the concert - as friends of course - that he has a small _hope_ as to who it might be. Even if that hope is quickly dashed by the knowing it wasn't possible. He and Gladio were friends, thrown together by their shared duty to Noctis and nothing more. Sure, they were closer than they had been in the years before, but they were still _just friends_. And Gladio had a track record a mile long and not a single one even came close to what Ignis would say was a type resembling himself. So no, the hope that his secret admirer all these years was Gladio? That was just a silly little thought, one he needed to put away.

He's so lost to his own thoughts that he misses the surprise, the flicker of _something_ across Gladio's face as he accepts the offer.

Twenty is a small box that comes with his mail that day. Ignis finds his heart beating fast as he lifts the lid, and even more as he sees the silver chain and the small skull pendant. It's an understated piece, but one that contains meaning considering the aesthetic. Ignis has never been one for flashy statement pieces - he prided himself on being stylish, yes, with every article he owns chosen for a specific look. But not flashy, not over the top. And the necklace is a perfect example of that.

_Ignis,_  
_Another year, another Valentine's Day I'm too chicken shit to tell you how I feel._ _  
_ _What can I say, you intimidate me. In the best possible way._

_But I hope this necklace is to your liking. I must admit it's a selfish sort of gift. Knowing that you might like it, might wear it and think of me when you do? It's an idea I really like._

_Happy Valentine's Day._

Ignis reads and re-reads the note. Places it back in the box with the others. He gently pulls the necklace out and clasps it behind his neck, where he knows it will stay.

"It looks good," Gladio says a few days later as they clean up in the locker room after a round in the gym.

Ignis glances over at the other man, a brow raising slightly at the statement.

"The necklace, it's new right? It looks good," Gladio clarifies with a soft smile.

Ignis ducks his head as he feels a faint flush across his cheeks. He takes a moment and then looks back up to see Gladio's eyes still on him. _I wish it were from you_ he can't help but think. But he smiles back and nods. "Thank you, Gladio."

Twenty one is hand delivered. Though not by the giver. Rather a nervous sort of looking Crownsguard recruit who knocks on Ignis' door shortly after lunch. "I uh - was asked to - uh - deliver this to you," the poor boy stumbles out.

"From who?" Ignis asks but the poor boy just shakes his head.

"I'm not supposed to tell," he says, and Ignis is half tempted to put pressure on the recruit to get him to speak. But he's also not quite sure the poor kid won't start crying if he does. So he takes the box without another question and watches as the kid all but runs off.

There's a card tucked into the string that ties the box. Ignis plucks it out and slides a finger against the seal to open it. And he sinks to lean on the top of his desk as he reads.

_Ignis,_ _  
_ _I have these dreams lately, where I tell you how I feel about you. By some miracle you feel the same. You tell me you always have. You kiss me and it's everything I've been wanting all these years and then some. I wake up achingly hard, trembling and thinking of how amazing you'd feel next to me, how beautiful it would be._

_You know I used to think maybe I'd grow out of it. That what I felt for was maybe just some teenage crush, the kind of fleeting thing we all have every now and then. But it's been years and it's not going anywhere. Just getting stronger._

_I wish I could tell you all of this. I wish I could tell you how often my thoughts drift to you, how often you consume them. I wish I could you how amazing I think you are. How beautiful I find you, how damn gorgeous you are, Ignis. I wish I could tell you how many nights I go to bed with you on my mind, how many mornings I wake to the same._

_I wish I could hold you close, closer than two people should even be able to get. Kiss you senseless and find all those spots that would drive you absolutely nuts._

_More than anything I wish I could call you mine._  
  
_Happy Valentine's Day._

Ignis reads and rereads the note. Commits it to memory and finds his skin flushing at the candid words. And it's with shaking hands that he lifts the lid off the box, only to have his breath taken away.

Nestled into tissue paper, a pair of exceptionally beautiful daggers. And Ignis doesn't even have to lift one to know the quality of the blade. He can _see_ it. But he does, lift one. Feels it in his hand and marvels at the way it's absolutely _perfect_ for him. He picks up the other and almost immediately they feel less like a weapon and more an extension of himself. And he knows right then that whoever this admirer is, they've seen him spar. They've seen the way he moves, the way he fights.

Aesthetically they were perfect - clean and simple lines with just enough embellishment to make them unique. He can see and feel the care of craftsmanship in them and he almost immediately wants to put them back into the box and find _some way_ of returning them. It was too much, clearly far more expensive than one should be spending on him.

He allows himself fifteen minutes to go through a quick series of moves - as best he can in his suit at least - to feel the perfection of the blades. And then he goes to set them back into the box. He couldn't keep them. It was too much.  
  
But as he starts to place the daggers back in another note catches his eye. Ignis sets the blades down on his desk and picks it up.

_Ignis,_ __  
_Don't you dare try to return them._  
_You're worth every gil I paid and then some.  
_ _More than worth it._

The note makes Ignis smile and he picks the daggers back up again. Well, he supposes, if his secret Valentine _insisted_ , who was he to deny the request.  
  
He's twenty two. Everything is… _gone to absolute shit_ . Their home lay in ruins and the task before them seems more and more daunting with every passing day.  
  
The day sneaks up and Ignis barely realizes the significance of it until well into the morning. He's alone in the motel they'd scrapped together enough gil to rent out - needing proper showers and a rest for once. The others had scattered for the moment, and all alone it hits him.

Valentine's Day.  
  
Ignis sinks to the edge of the bed. He's not expecting anything, no delivery this year. How _could_ he expect something. And it's with a heavy heart that he realizes whoever his admirer might have been… they were probably _gone_ . The greatest mystery of his life was doomed to remain  unsolved. More than that, the person who had given him something to look forward to every year, who had made him feel _special_ and _wanted_ … He sighs, hating that he had never had the chance to thank the person. To tell them how grateful he was for all the effort that must have gone into finding a perfect gift year after year.

Its a wave of grief that hits, the kind of grief they've all been avoiding. The one they all feel underneath everything else but don't have the time, or the heart, to address.

And Ignis is so lost to it that the sudden knock on the door has him startling, heart jumping into his throat and he coughs twice to clear the feeling as he stands.  "Who is it?" he asks as he moves towards the door. It wasn't like the others to knock, this was their room too after all.  
  
No reply comes save for another knock and Ignis is immediately on guard. But he cracks the door open nonetheless, just a crack. Just enough to see the bright colours of the flowers that grew in the vicinity of the outpost. Wide eyes follow the makeshift bouquet, down the blooms to the stems and then to the hand holding it all together.  
  
His breath hitches as he takes in the large hand, the _black ink_ that licks down the wrist before taking form.    
  
"Gladio?" he asks as he opens the door fully, looking up to catch amber eyes watching him close. Immediately Ignis notices the hesitation there, the nervousness. Things he was not accustomed to seeing on Gladio.  
  
Gladio lifts his free hand, rubs it sheepishly across the back of his neck. "I know it's nothing fancy," he starts, "I - uh - I had this whole big plan for this year, figured it was about damn time I owned up to everything even if I was damn terrified it ruin our friendship but…" a small shrug. "With everything that's happened…"  
  
Ignis just stares, his heart beating a mile a minute as the words sink in. As the realization that _Gladio_ was his admirer sunk in. That all these years, that little bit of hope he had never quite been able to shake wasn't in vain after all. Gladio was his admirer, Gladio had written all those words over the years, given him all those perfect gits. Gladio had wanted him just as much as he wanted Gladio.  
  
"Iggy?" Gladio asks, nervously, pulling Ignis from his thoughts.  
  
Ignis smiles. "I had always hoped it was you," he admits and the grin Gladio gives him at the words is one Ignis will never forget.  
  
Gladio is quick to move, all but sweeping Ignis up in his arms and Ignis feels a warmth spread through him at the sudden touch, at the laugh he can _feel_ rumbling in Gladio's chest. And suddenly there are lips on his - sweet and coaxing. Tender but not without the hint of desperation born of their years of pining. Ignis kisses back, sparks running down his spine and across his skin at the feel of Gladio's mouth against his. Kinetic in a way he's never known, like every inch of him is suddenly so finely tuned to the man pressing up against him. He slips a hand into the mane of Gladio's hair, marvelling at the texture, the feel. The _nearness_ of it all.  
  
They're breathless when they part, foreheads pressing together and Ignis shivers as Gladio's thumb brushes over his lower lip. "Happy Valentine's Day, Ignis."  
  
Ignis smiles. "Happy Valentine's Day, Gladio."


End file.
